IF I LIVE TO BE ONE HUNDRED

WILL YOU LOVE ME JUST THE SAME

EVEN IF I CAN'T REMEMBER

WHO YOU ARE OR KNOW YOUR NAME



IF I LIVE TO BE ONE HUNDRED

I WON'T NEED A STEADY JOB

JUST A NURSE WHO FEEDS ME TAPIOCA

WON'T LET ME EAT CORN ON THE COB



OH, LOOK AT ME - FEELING OLDER THAN HISTORY

AND IT'S A CONTEMPLATING MYSTERY

WHY I'M NOT DEAD AND BURIED



IF I LIVE TO BE ONE HUNDRED

WILL I HAVE TEETH TO HOLD YOUR KISS

IF I CAN STILL PLAY MY PIANO

I'LL SING YOU A SONG JUST LIKE THIS



IF I LIVE TO BE ONE HUNDRED

WILLARD SCOTT WILL SHOW MY PICTURE ON TV

RIGHT NEXT TO A JAR OF SMUCKERS

A WORD THAT NOTHING RHYTHMS WITH



OH, LOOK AT ME - SUCH A FIGURE OF HUMANITY

A HERO ALL THE WORLD JUST LOVES TO SEE

THIS LINE I CAN'T REMEMBER



IF I LIVE TO BE ONE HUNDRED

WON'T NEED VIAGRA ANYMORE

WON'T BE EATING BUFFALO WINGS

OR KNOW MY WAY BACK FROM THE STORE



AND IF I LIVE TO BE A HERO

I'LL BE ONE HUNDRED YEARS, GALORE

CELEBRATING ALL THE GOOD TIMES

I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYMO